4/19/2023 0 Comments Beebeep 4.0“We’re going to scrape the bottom of your foot.” “Right,” I said aloud as I wondered, “Was this worth it?” There was a scurrying of feet and I felt a pull on the IV in my left wrist. So, in essence, they cut you open, drill into your spine for a few hours, sew you back up and let your body be its own rude alarm clock. The thing they don’t tell you about spinal fusion surgery is that to check for paralysis, they have to bring you out of anesthesia without any painkillers. One to ten, how are you?” I shook my head back and forth, back and forth again. In the background I heard the hum of machines, a steady bee-beep, and the shuffle of feet following familiar paths. “Now, can you tell me, on a scale of one to ten, what is your pain?” I struggled to open my eyes a second time, only seeing blurry figures traveling around me everything and everyone was drenched in white. “One more time, what is your name and date of birth?” I squeezed my eyes shut and used whatever strength was left in me to force out, “Emma Suleski, six-three-ninety-six.” I nodded and I felt the movement migrate from my neck to my feet. Safety just wasn’t a part of my everyday life. Every step I took, seat I sat in, bump I drove over, I was in danger. I had numerous back problems since the age of thirteen and there was no saying when a disc in my back might give, causing nerve damage or even paralysis. Every time I had been asked that question, the answer was always yes. “Okay,” the voice sighed, “can you feel this?” A finger traveled down my big toe, towards the back of my heel. The word I expected to come out as “Emma” came out as a muffled groan. I had never had my senses flooded, not with pain, not like this. I had never been so keenly aware of every centimeter of my body. “I know,” the voice said, “but I need you to tell me, what is your name and date of birth?” I struggled to make the thoughts in my head into sentences. I shook my head left to right, left to right, left to right. As I struggled to lift my eyelids, I shuddered bright white light flooded my eyes. “What is your name and date of birth?” a voice asked me from a distance.
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